A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize