Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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