he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
