why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
