this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
