Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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