I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
