perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
