I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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