Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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