fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
