and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
