CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize