I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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