ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
