I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
