yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
