she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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