i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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