You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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