somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
