hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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