oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
