He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If I die, sorry about rent.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
