Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
