the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
