The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
