For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
