dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I could make wine with my vomit
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
