They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
