Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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