Ambien. No doubt about it.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
