Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Randomize
