It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
