I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
