It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
As shirtless as possible
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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