i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
