He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
