I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
