Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
