Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
