The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
