Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
