Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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