i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
