Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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