TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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