sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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