so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
