She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
