i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
