I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You can't motorboat a personality
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
