She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
