Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
