Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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