he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
