Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
