there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
