Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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