no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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