i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
