I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
