im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
