you didnt know i had herpes?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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