you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I have post one night stand depression
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