so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
