Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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