i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
