best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
