I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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