remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
