Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
