just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
