so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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