Who did Billy Mays play for?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
