hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
God I need to hump something, right now.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
