Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
So. Much. Porn.
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