i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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