A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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