So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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