dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
