Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
