for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i came on her dog
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
