It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
