I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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