Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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