I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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