I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
