He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
