I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
