lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
