I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
