Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize