I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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