Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
