the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
