i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize