Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
