my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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