I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
