I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
